well being lost in the friends thing it a lot easier to deal with
i know nothing so i feel nothing
anyway I GOT AIM ON MY COMPUTER
yes the world is know a better place
i never have to leave my house ever
hahahahahahahahaha
i love it
as you can see i am doing better
that thing my friend did to hurt me blew up in her face
very funny i think
but that is just me
sigh i need a boyfriend bad
i am so lonely i don't really even want to hang out with will or bry even
i just want to be alone and emo
i hate being emo
well bye i guess

fuck this
i hate life so much more
i started hanging with my friends again
o yah smart idea
my best friends goes after this guy i haved liked forever just to hurt me
[thudd i believe this knief is yours] backstabing cockbites
she dose not even really like him
but now he likes her and he just forgot about little fucking kayla
then [it gets worce dont worry] she conplains for two hours about how she will die alone
and no one likes her
bla bla bla
that shit pisses me of to no extent
god even while i am writing this they are not even noticing me
and fooling around
god i hate everyone
fuck friends
they hutr me more then i do
the really good friend i have is will
he is a great guy but he is really all have know
well i am going of to find a fork to crave my heart out
bye

so much has happened
i meet new people that i think made things in my life worse
not at first but i can turn the best thing into shit
as we all know
i thought i found a good guy for me
i did but were just friends cuz i act 14
sorry i act my fucking age
just shoot me know cuz i am not above average like i normaly am in things
he says i act 14 by worrying about things and not talking
wow that is how i was raised
i dont talk EVER
i worry cuz i am always stressed cuz i am fay
he dose not even understand that
but i really like him but were like best friends know
he likes this girl and tells me about other girls all the time
like he is trying to hurt me
then i tryed to talk to him about it and he did not understand a fucking word i said
it is not like he really listens to me
god hate this all
i am so angry now
fucking light fuse
i kill someone that fucks with me know
no more fucking little weak kayla
oh no i am going to get strong and powerful
people will fear me not me fear them
no more being scared all the time
no more fear no more anyting
my life will be
1school
2mom and dad
3strength
4nothing
no more me crying at night
no more being scared of what may happen
i will be prepared for anything no more life kicking my ass no more....
no more kayla if you think about it hard enough
i dont care anymore .....i just dont care
life sucks but it wont for long
you guys can say whatever you want about this entry
it wont matter
this is what i think and it will be no matter what
no more kayla
say goodbye to the old and hello to the new
the strong, the brave,....

the rain is back
the sadness is hear once again
i broke up with mark and went out with aj
i was really happy then we broke up
the only reason i liked him was because i felt safe in his arms
i only feel safe around three people now
my father of corse
my brother jeff
he means the world to me and i don't know what i would do without his love and suport
i love him so much i think he will never know how much i love him
and last but not lest shane
i feel like i have known him all my life
he means so much to me words can not describe how i feel around him

you now what makes me cry my self to sleep some nights
when people go out of the way to hurt and make me feel bad
i try to say and do the right things but i am human and not perfect
i make mistakes oh fucking well but some people hate me no matter what i do or what i think
atleast i have jeff and shane who love me for who and what i am
i know i will always have them and that is why i feel safe around them
love you all
bye

alysa is a bitch that is all on that
shane is the sweetest guy i have ever meet
i have a boyfriend named mark
and for the first time im really happy
nothing is going wrong at the momment
i am so happy
tihs is the best i have felt in a long time
monkey i am glad a helped you i am always hear for you and you no that
jeff i miss you a lot
i will see you all day tomorrow and the next friday i hope
i love you all p.s shane have fun reading my journal you fucker
with all my love
goodbye

life is cool
shane is my new best friend
he is pretty cool for fucker
he is dating my other good friend
i like his friend mike
shane is like my brother or cousin twice remove
mokey : no fighting on my journal you guys
i hate that
bye bye

life sucks whats new
notforuse sorry i said that thing
i did not understand what you meant by me not hanging with monkey
i know he would never hurt me and i trust him
but i am sorry
after reading your reposnce to my comment
i understund what you meant

I have been wrong so many times now
let us count the ways
1 i thought i was in love WRONG
2 i thought i was being a good person by forgiving some people of certian things WRONG
3 i thought monkey was doing okay
i found out that sum fuck heads screwed him over
and if i ever see them face to face i will
well you know
4 i disliked mandy for awhile
now i found that she is a great person and is nice to talk to

that is all i can think of now

i hate being me

later

i have found the person for me
well atleast i think i have
he is the sweetest man i have ever known
we spent all saturday on the phone
i mean all day
we got of the phone at 2 am
i am so happy
he makes me feel like i am the only one who matters in the hole world
i am in love for real
i have never felt lovr so stronge before
not even with cory
he understands what i am going through
it is not lustful love
we just hold each other for as long as we can
i have never felt so safe in someone's arms before
i am so happy that i am in tears sometimes
i will go for now